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Military & Veteran Lawyer > Blog > Family > Dealing With Post-Divorce Conflict With Your Ex

Dealing With Post-Divorce Conflict With Your Ex


Even if you are lucky to have a civil relationship with your ex-spouse, there may be times when you and your ex engage in conflict. This is especially true if there are negative feelings involved. For instance, disputes may arise if one party blames the other for the marriage failing. For example, you may disagree on child visitation and holiday schedules. It is vital for you to arm yourself with skills that can help you deal with post-divorce conflict with your ex. In this article, we share some tips to help keep disputes between you and your ex-spouse to a minimum.

Tip #1: Avoid Face-to-Face Meetings

In-person meetings with your ex-spouse have the most potential for conflict. Whenever possible, communicate with your ex through the phone or email. However, because, at times, a face-to-face meeting is inevitable, it is crucial that you know how to handle such meetings. If you and your ex-spouse must meet face-to-face, keep your conversations brief and focus on the matter at hand.

Tip #2: Let the Past Stay in the Past

One of the main reasons ex-spouses engage in conflict is due to hurt feelings from the past. It is vital that the past remains in the past. You cannot force your ex-spouse to let go of the past, but you can play your part by letting the past stay in the past and focusing on the present and future.

Tip #3: Do What Is Best for Your Children

You and your ex-spouse can minimize conflict if you both agree to focus on your children’s best interests. If you and your ex-spouse concentrate on doing what is best for your children, there will be little to no room for conflicts. You and your children’s other parent can reduce or avoid conflict by constantly reminding yourselves that your children’s needs are more important than any differences between the two of you. Even if you do not like your ex-spouse and may not want to be around him or her, remember that your children love the two of you, and it makes them happy to see their parents getting along.

Tip #4: Try To Look at Things From Your Ex-spouse’s Perspective

If your ex-spouse brings up an issue, try looking at things from his or her perspective. You may avoid a conflict if you can view an issue from your ex-spouse’s point of view.

Tip #5: Sometimes, Not Responding Is the Best Response

Your ex-spouse may send you texts or emails with the aim of causing you stress and anxiety. For example, your ex may threaten to take you back to court. In such a situation, avoiding giving an emotional response may be the best thing to do. Your emotional reaction may be what your ex wants. It may be what fuels the conflict. It can be hard to ignore a text like, “I will take you back to court.” However, if you choose not to give an emotional response, it may end the conflict, as your ex will realize he or she doesn’t have anyone to argue with.

Contact a New Jersey Family Lawyer

If you need advice from an experienced family lawyer, our New Jersey family lawyers at Citizen Soldier Law are here for you.

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